Thoughts from a Mental Ward

DECK THE HALLS WITH…ANTIVIRALS
November 24th, 2009
by Aaron David Ward

The President says he intends to “finish the job” in Afghanistan…U.S. troops & Afghan civilians can finally agree…this job should be left unfinished.

Investigators say a census worker killed himself but tried to make the death look like a homicide…he should’ve known better…call the CIA for help.

Sarah Palin’s book tour made a stop at a Florida retirement community where they’re so tired of canasta, they’ll read anything.

The President plans to visit India next year…so he can see how a successful economy works.

An ex-top British intelligence officer says secret Iraq war talks began in 2001…making it nearly the worst kept secret in the world.

The FDIC says banks’ past-due loans are the highest in 26 years…maybe banks’ usefulness is finally past due.

Scientists say global warming could raise sea levels by up to 2 meters by 2100…then again maybe global warming will wear off like Viagra.

The so-called Godfather of Spam was sentenced to 4 years in prison…where he’ll have to trade ads about penis enhancers with criminals who want his penis.

Celebrity chef Paula Deen was accidentally hit by a charity ham…surprisingly it wasn’t a stray bar of butter.

Lady Gaga threw her fans a pizza party…where they got to see her manga face.

A new study finds children whose moms smoked during pregnancy have a higher risk of developing ADHD…and a taste for bus fumes.

The mother of a teen boy missing in NYC for 11 days says her son spent the time in the subways…or as some call it…the homeless hostel.

A new study finds abnormal cholesterol levels can significantly increase the risk of heart failure…enjoy your cheese, eggs, and ham.

US Santas reportedly want swine flu vaccine…Rudolph’s nose should glow red from his special powers not the pig virus.

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