Thoughts from a Mental Ward

STERILE PENGUINS WARM BALLS
April 25th, 2012
by Aaron David Ward

A Marine who criticized the President on Facebook is losing his job…given the pointlessness of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan…that’s a great technique to stop American imperialism.

TSA screeners are accused of letting drug couriers through LAX for cash…so the porno scanners aren’t for pleasure…the TSA is just confirming the quality of the loads.

Newt Gingrich plans to end his presidential campaign next week…there goes business at donut shops across the country.

It’s the 20th anniversary of the Rodney King beating…so hard to find a cake that really captures that moment.

A study finds Antarctic ice is melting from warm water below…and penguins are going sterile from warm balls.

A US gynecologist has claimed to found the G-spot…presumably he refunded a woman her money for the exam.

The Beach Boys have kicked off their 50th anniversary tour…they are no longer boys…and if current trends continue….there won’t be anymore beaches for the 75th tour.

Google Drive…Google’s latest program…it’ll drive your car while you Google.

An iPhone sales boom has pushed Apple to first-quarter records…Apple must have its own internal app…iCash.

Allergies may protect against natural toxins…like work.

A study finds exposure to violence in children harms DNA…or makes you a professional wrestler.

Pizza Hut has introduced a cheeesburger-ringed pizza in the Middle East…no wonder they hate us….we’re making them fat and happy.

Botox may help migraines…by smoothing wrinkles…in your brain.

Teenagers are reportedly drinking hand sanitizer…on the other hand…they’re throats have never been cleaner.

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