Thoughts from a Mental Ward

GET YOUR I SUPPORT RELIGIOUS FREEDOM BURQAS
August 20th, 2010
by Aaron David Ward

A tip from an observant forest ranger led to the arrest of an Arizona prison escapee and his alleged accomplice…never start a forest fire…especially if you’re fresh out of jail.

The fed say the salmonella outbreak that led to the recall of 380 million eggs was preventable and will likely grow…much like your distaste for chicken.

Unemployment rose in July in 14 states…Happy Dependence Day.

A new study finds eating high amounts of green leafy vegetables helps significantly reduce the risk of developing type 2 diabetes…as well as your chances of making new friends…veggies make you ripe with gas.

A new study finds Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is linked to exposure to pesticides…there are no bugs on your plants but now your kid is a bug.

An Ohio bear owned by PETA foe has killed its caretaker…somewhere on both East and West Coasts animal activists are partying.

The organizer of the planned Muslim community center in Lower Manhattan has begun a three-country tour of the Persian Gulf…get your I Support Religious Freedom burqas while they last.

A Navy panel recommends discharging ex-astronaut Lisa Nowak who lost her NASA job over a bizarre airport attack on a romantic rival…unless they want her to roam free on ships to count the strawberries.

Cast members of “The Expendables” rung the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange…smack dab in the middle of an industry that is expendable.

A study finds smoking in the movies has been declining since 2005…meanwhile smoking off screen by teens outside movie theaters never seems to decline.

Jennifer Aniston is taking heat for using the word retard…but always escapes criticism for inspiring women to obsess over their hair every time “Rachel” got a new do.

Heidi Montag is reportedly threatening legal action over her estranged husband Spencer Pratt’s plans to write a tell-all book about their relationship…they’ll be no need…it’ll be in the bargain bin on the day of its release.

Leave a Reply