A Marine who criticized the President on Facebook is losing his job…given the pointlessness of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan…that’s a great technique to stop American imperialism.

TSA screeners are accused of letting drug couriers through LAX for cash…so the porno scanners aren’t for pleasure…the TSA is just confirming the quality of the loads.

Newt Gingrich plans to end his presidential campaign next week…there goes business at donut shops across the country.

It’s the 20th anniversary of the Rodney King beating…so hard to find a cake that really captures that moment.

A study finds Antarctic ice is melting from warm water below…and penguins are going sterile from warm balls.

A US gynecologist has claimed to found the G-spot…presumably he refunded a woman her money for the exam.

The Beach Boys have kicked off their 50th anniversary tour…they are no longer boys…and if current trends continue….there won’t be anymore beaches for the 75th tour.

Google Drive…Google’s latest program…it’ll drive your car while you Google.

An iPhone sales boom has pushed Apple to first-quarter records…Apple must have its own internal app…iCash.

Allergies may protect against natural toxins…like work.

A study finds exposure to violence in children harms DNA…or makes you a professional wrestler.

Pizza Hut has introduced a cheeesburger-ringed pizza in the Middle East…no wonder they hate us….we’re making them fat and happy.

Botox may help migraines…by smoothing wrinkles…in your brain.

Teenagers are reportedly drinking hand sanitizer…on the other hand…they’re throats have never been cleaner.

The President says he paid off his student loans eight years ago…but he’ll never pay off those political loans.

Kofi Annan says violence is unacceptable in the Syrian crisis…but apparently acceptable everywhere else.

A company has unveiled a plan to mine asteroids for riches…mining hemerroids for richers is easier…but stinkier.

The John Edwards trial continues…but yet another great hair day.

Hints of collusion reportedly appear between News Corporation and the British Prime Minster…journalism and government…in bed together…shocking…if you are a newborn.

The USDA has confirmed a case of mad-cow disease in California…happy cows from there…and apparently so do crazy ones.

Approximately 1 in 5 Apple Macs are infected with Windows Malware…even an Apple-a-day can’t prevent porn from having its way.

The Kardashians have signed up for another three seasons of their hit reality TV show…late night talk show writing staffs now can tune to E for help for three more seasons too.

New Jersey State Police are investigating whether troopers escorted a “Death Race” convoy of Porsches, Lamborghinis and Ferraris…the world’s fastest car show.

Bill and Giuliana Rancic are expecting a baby…or an ego.

A powerful spring storm dumped snow across parts of the Northeast overnight…April snow showers bring May apocalyptic panic.

Trustees say Medicare funding will run short by 2024…so in other words…we’re already running short.

Mexican lawmakers want an investigation into allegations of bribery at the Mexico unit of Wal-Mart…save money, live better, except south of the border.

Ex-GOP presidential contender Jon Huntsman compared Republican party leaders to Chinese communists…with one exception…Chinese communists appreciate capitalism.

Congressman Ron Paul plans to continue his campaign for the GOP presidential nomination…in the offhand chance American come to their senses.

An ultra-fast US military drone streaked across the sky at 13,000 mph…slower than we’re losing our personal liberties.

A doctor has rolled out a “Hangover Heaven” on the Vegas strip…what happens in Vegas needs to be treated in Vegas.