Sunday’s passage of health care reform is prompting some of us to open our windows and shout “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore” just like Howard Beale in the 1976 classic film Network.

Government like cancer seems impossible to stop. And our nation’s chronic addiction to Leviathan gives us plenty of reasons to feel depressed. I too have been experiencing restless nights, anger, agitation, exhaustion, rage, bewilderment, and doubt about the future of the country and more importantly liberty until I realized something “the market always wins.” No matter how tyrannical any government becomes tyranny by its very nature is as unsustainable as government debt. Tyranny like humanity has a very short shelf life primarily because it violates God’s natural laws. The more I ponder this thought, the longer and wider my smile becomes. And so does my sense of peace.

Government is its own worst enemy. The larger it grows, the more unsustainable it becomes and so with every intervention, every new social program, every new war, we actually grow closer to watching the whole system implode giving us ample opportunity to reclaim our freedom. And in the meantime, rather than waiting for the “perfect” moment for that to occur, we can already formulate plans with neighbors, friends, coworkers, colleagues, and others to find ways around government. The market always finds a way around government not only because it is vastly superior in every way to tyranny but because government is like Frankenstein…slow, plodding, lurching, and like in the Mel Brooks’ classic Young Frankenstein…stupid too. Remember, government has the brain of “Abby Normal.” We forget that government operates in the marketplace too but handicaps itself with central planning, millions of bureaucrats bumping into each other, and thrashing about like children in a pool on a hot summer day.

As soon as the government health care “reform” kicks into high gear, I imagine finding a doctor you want to visit will require an intuitive knowledge of the back alleys of your town, city, or village much like finding a speakeasy during Prohibition. And that makes me smile too since I know I’ll receive superior care and may eventually get to pay for that care by trading a goat, horse, or pig for an annual physical. Just thinking about it reduces my blood pressure, lowers my bad cholesterol, and straightens my posture.

Even if federal health care SWAT teams kicks down my door, put guns to my head, and forces me to purchase health insurance from the government…the market will still win. For ever person jailed for refusing to purchase government health insurance, ten others will find ways around the imposition. Government intervention provides the market with opportunities to innovate. I look at the latest power grab as a once-in-a-few-decades opportunity to create viable alternatives locally. Underground community based health care clinics providing superior care to government kwanzet huts will now thrive.

While many of us bemoan the loss of our republic and debate about when it exactly happened, I raise my glass of heart-healthy red wine in a toast to the my health, your health, and the health of the market. The market is like Lance Armstrong…multiple winners in the long race called life. So next time you feel yourself depressed about Leviathan’s latest tyrannical move…remember…the market always wins…so live strong.

The leader of a key bloc of House Democrats opposed to abortion is close agreeing to vote for the health care bill…which apparently doesn’t protect psychological health.

The UN chief blames an Israeli blockade for suffering in Gaza…a strip of land that seems more like the La Brea Tar pits when it comes to swallowing any glimmer of positive news.

Protests in Russia…thousands rally in a “Day of Wrath” against PM Putin…proving Russian democracy is alive and well especially compared to the apathetic US.

Some Tea Party protesters of the health care reform bill are accused of hurling racial slurs at black lawmakers…some may need counseling thus driving up health care costs!

Cybercrooks are reportedly targeting Apple’s iPad…time for Apple to offer the iLock.

The IMF is warning America about its unsustainable debt level…but we’re like Wiley E. Coyote…certain we can fly off the cliff without plummeting to the bottom.

China says the US would not sell parts needed to fix helicopters used in relief work following a 2008 earthquake…the US was too busy using helicopters to drop money on its own economy.

European governments are arguing over helping Greece get out of its economic mess…so the EU’s new slogan is beware of Greeks asking for gifts.

Massachusetts led the country in vaccinating residents against swine flu and seasonal flu…surprising since you’d think the Irish in that state would drink enough to ward off any illness…especially sobriety.

50 million Americans, including rising numbers of seniors, live in households with at least two adult generations, and often three….it’s the 1960′s all over again…pass the LSD and share with the rest of the commune.

The community organizing group ACORN is reportedly on the verge of bankruptcy…maybe they should’ve gotten into prostitution.

The Obama administration is reportedly denying more Freedom of Information Act requests than Bush did…the “O” in Obama doesn’t stand for open, it seems to stand for obstruction.

Fed Head Bernanke says government bailouts of big financial companies are “unconscionable”…sounds like a confession! Lock ‘em up!

Rosie O’Donnell is planning to develop a new talk show…hopefully involving her inside a glass case with boa constrictors.

The House Rules Committee is figuring out the rules of voting on health care…it’s important to maintain the illusion it’s not a done deal.

Campaigners for the victims of sexual abuse by clergy in Ireland claim a letter from the Pope fails to address the cover up by the church…it sounds like the letter could’ve been written by the director of a summer camp ignorning the acts of a few wayward counselors.

A federal appeals court has ruled the now dead elderly Texas billionaire who married Anna Nicole Smith never intended to leave her his vast fortune…apparently the judges have never seen Anna’s tits.

Police in New Jersey have made an arrest in connection with a public address system announcement at a Wal-Mart store telling “all blacks” to leave…must be hard to sort through the plethora of rednecks at Wal-Mart who might have done something similar.

At least 15 US states have sued the EPA seeking to stop it from issuing rules controlling greenhouse gas emissions…which in turn will have greens up in arms for the all the paper used in the suits.

Hackers have flooded the Internet with virus-tainted spam that targets Facebook’s estimated 400 million users…I wouldn’t mind if they could do away with Farmville.

Tiger Woods’ wife is reportedly acting “cold and distant” towards him…but if I were her…I’d act “warm and fuzzy” toward his money.

The CDC says the threat of swine flu in the US seems to be ebbing…but not the threat of being swindled by the vaccine industry into getting inoculated.

Octomom may lose her home to foreclosure…so look for her next reality TV show…Fertile and Foreclosed.

Democrats aim to pass healthcare reform on Sunday…if only they’d do what God did on Sundays…rest.

A proposed immigration overhaul would require illegal immigrants to admit they broke the law before they could become citizens…if they really wanted to make them sweat they’d make them apologize in English.

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford agreed to settle an ethics complaint to the tune of $74,000…if they really wanted to punish him, they should make him hike the Appalacian Trail…alone.

1.2 million high chairs are being recalled for fear kids may fall out of them…then again maybe a blow to the head will get junior to finish his carrots.

Jesse James has apologized for cheating on his wife Sandra Bullock…hard to belive she had a “blind side” to the possibility especially since she married an “outlaw.”

The FDA is banning the sales of cigarettes and smokeless tobacco to people under 18…virtually guaranteeing a thriving black market run online by high schoolers.

New legislation would make $36 billion in Pell Grants available to needy students over the next decade…as long as those students are not going into government accounting.

The US is reportedly recovering moderately from the recession…if hospital patients recovered at the same pace, hospitals would be shut down tomorrow.

Extreme obesity has now reached alaming levels among children…eliminating the need for bike helmets, child safety seats, and shin guards.

Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington has apologized for using cocaine…that keeps baseball exciting even if the game isn’t.

The press secretary for NY’s Governor has resigned…his administration is losing members even faster than the state is losing residents.

The commander of US and NATO forces in Afghanistan says they’ll “certainly” try to capture Osama bin Laden alive…or set an endurance record for the longest game of “Where’s Waldo.”

Fed Head Bernanke says the central bank should regulate financial firms of all sizes…apparently the term “reserve” refers to the chairman’s balls.

The First lady says she’s fighting against childhood obesity to make sure kids have enough energy to be productive in school…No Child With A Large Behind.

The EPA is requiring beefed up labeling for flea and tick products used on dogs and cats…better teach your pet to read first.

A new study finds the number of people in California who went without health coverage jumped 25% between ’07 and ’09…’cause it’s cheaper to cross the border for treatment in Mexico.

Kraft Foods plans to cut salt in its North American products by about 10%…so you can’t blame your high blood pressure on Mac ‘N Cheese.

Blockbuster may file for bankruptcy…film at 11…or not.

AT & T is offering a new eco-friendly cell phone charger…metal wheel included…gerbels not.

Facebook has surpassed Google in weekly hits for the first time…blame Farmville.

The Smithsonian has opened a $21 million exhibit about evolution…Darwin better be right for the museum’s sake.

The FBI is investigating criminals using social networking sites…or really enjoying porn.

Tiger Woods is returning to golf at the Masters…they better increase the number of Quiet signs.

The Fed left its benchmark interest rate near zero…right next to investor confidence.

Honda is recalling more than 400,000 Odyssey and Element vehicles…time to build in Japan…again.

Abba, Genesis and Jimmy Cliff have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame…or that’s one hell of a mash up.

Scientists say our aging sun is producing fewer sunspots…but it’s producing more liver spots.

Opponents of health care reform legislation reportedly have 200 no votes…if by “no” they mean “maybe” as long as there’s something in it for me.

Protesters dumped blood at a Thai government site…and you thought American town hall meetings were rough.

An earthquake shook Southern California…or they’ve have consumed so much Mexican food…Californians can move the earth with their cans.

Google’s Nexus One phone is selling at a slower pace than the first iPhone…just like making love after losing your virginity…close but no cigar…unless she’s kinky.

US housing starts fell about nearly 6% in February…while sales of Igloos rose 12%.

The Michael Jackson estate has signed a record-breaking deal with Sony…The King of Pop seems to have beat death all the way to the bank.

Investors are awaiting the Federal Reserve’s decision on interest rates…like getting whipped then asking for more…we’re all wearing gimp masks.

US Senate legislation aimed at overhauling regulation of finance would cost large banks billions of dollars…unless those billions flow into campaign coffers.

Air Berlin canceled about $1.7 billion worth of orders for Boeing’s 787 Dreamliner…sounds more like a nightmare for Boeing’s bottom line.

State and local lawmakers are proposing to tax soda to cover obesity-related health costs…mostly their own.

Peter Graves has died…anyone in their 20s is now on Mission Impossible to remember him in anything they’ve seen in the past two decades.

The movie Green Zone…reportedly isn’t for Hollywood studio wallets and pocketbooks.

Former Friends star David Schwimmer is set to marry…must be on a “break” from Rachel.

Lady Gaga debuted her latest quirky costume, a bloody latex nun outfit, at her concert in New Zealand…Gaga’s chief costume consultant must be Madonna.

“Avatar” may run at digital and Imax 3-D theaters this summer…it’s a new kind of sequel…the same movie…shown again.

Figure skater Johnny Weir says he’s been denied a spot on the Stars on Ice Tour because he’s not “family friendly”…he’s definitely family friendly especially if your son spends a lot of time sewing.

San Francisco prosecutors are retesting drug samples after a technician allegedly stole cocaine evidence…if the tech was doing blow you’d think tests would’ve been run 900 times…on the same day…in an hour.

The sun is reportedly producing fewer sunspots…our solar system is even affected by the lousy economy.

The President says when it comes to health care reform we need “courage”…meanwhile lawmakers follow the yellow brick road to the green Oz.

Toyota says tests of a “runaway” Prius are inconsistent with the California driver’s claims…perhaps someone is testing a movie script’s believability.

The US Census is already running over budget…those ads featuring Hollywood stars must be pricey.

Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes are divorcing…he’s losing…a great pair of titanic tits.

James Cameron has confirmed he will bring Titanic back to the big screen in 3D…only for Kate Winslet’s rack.

The mistress of ex-presidential candidate John Edwards says she is helping him live “a life of truth”…through the lens of a kaleidoscope.

Charlie Sheen pleaded not guilty to charges related to alleged domestic violence…but has never once done time for the movie Men At Work.

Scientists say each person leaves a unique trail of germs that could help catch criminals…or just follow the trail of used Kleenex.

A new study suggests men with heart problems and erectile dysfunction may have double the risk of death…although presumably they’re not having sex so maybe that postpones a heart attack or stroke.

Jessica Simpson says John Mayer will never have this “napalm” again…her body is a wonderland but it sounds like all he’ll ever get to do with it again is wonder.

Irish police have released a cartoonist murder plot suspect…the Irish really are lucky.

Tens of thousands of red-shirted Thailand protesters filled main avenues in Bangkok…for the running of the bullish.

China’s PM rebuffed calls for the yuan to appreciate…China rejects US demands like a hot chick shooting down a dork.

China National Offshore Oil Corp is forming a joint-venture with a major Argentine energy firm…it’s not peak oil we need to worry about its oil everywhere that keeps piquing China.

In the UK, two nursery rhyme ads to raise awareness of climate change have been banned for overstating the risks…along with mobiles depicting rising sea levels hanging over cribs.

A key study finds a device designed to improve a leaky heart valve without major surgery met its safety and effectiveness goals…it involves a mop and bucket.

In February, the number of homeowners with permanently reduced monthly payments grew by 45%…so 55% are probably still overpaying for homes that are losing value.

Cops say an illegal prescription for Corey Haim was found during the investigation of a fraudulent drug ring…but in modern Hollywood…an illegal script is also known as an autograph.