The House may tax AIG’s 165-million-dollar-bonuses 90% while the government continues to spend trillions. These idiots must’ve failed math. Only in Washington is spending $165 million while $11 trillion goes out the window considered an affront to the taxpayers.
President Obama will talk about his financial rescue plan when he appears on The Tonight Show meanwhile money man Jim Cramer got his ass handed to him by Jon Stewart on the Daily Show. We’re now living in Bizzaro World where comedians probe high profile people better than journalists.
President Obama has signed a deal for a youth-oriented version of his published memoir and a nonfiction book after he leaves office. Potential titles include: Socialism: In Three Easy Steps, Teleprompter Tales, and Spreadin’ It Around.
Former President George W. Bush is writing a book that he’ll probably be unable to read.
The Defense Department says it plans to end forced military tour extensions by 2011. Too bad it doesn’t plan to stop war-making too.
Cops say a suspect in two deadly shootings apparently killed himself in his SUV outside the Anaheim police station. How thoughtful! He offed himself right outside the morgue. That should save the taxpayers some transportation costs.
The Justice Department is suing Union Pacific railroad claiming it owes the government more than $37 million for allowing shipments of drugs into the United States on rail cars. This is the same government that wants to curb global warming. Don’t they realize how much more efficient railroads are than trucks?
United Auto Workers President Ron Gettelfinger says he will not seek re-election and plans to retire when his current term ends on June 30 of 2010. Just in time to watch the American auto industry vanish. I’ll be he’ll drive off into the sunset with a nice bonus which is why a Buick that falls apart in less than ten years still costs $35,000.
Republicans are increasingly blaming the rival party for allowing AIG to pay out millions in bonuses at a time when it’s accepting billions in taxpayer money. Cue the music from Jaws.
The House has approved the largest expansion of government-sponsored service programs since 1963 when President John F. Kennedy first called for the creation of a national community service corps. I can hear the shackles being tightened around our hands and feet but remember ask not what your country can do for you but what you’ll be forced to do by your country.
An Idaho House committee approved a bill to give pharmacists the ability to refuse to dispense birth control and other medications but they are allowed to substitute IUDs with potatoes. That should plug the whole and provide a nice snack.
Governor Sarah Palin says she’s willing to negotiate with state lawmakers about how much Alaska taxes natural gas in order to attract oil companies. Ladies and gentleman the Reformer has left the building (and was probably never there to begin with).
The Federal Reserve’s decision to fire up the printing presses to the tune of $1 trillion continued to wash over world financial markets pushing the price of government bonds higher and dragging down the value of the dollar. Welcome to the new banana republic where even bananas are too expensive!
The Obama administration is expected to offer $5 billion to auto parts makers but don’t’ you worry because it plans to work real hard to get back 90% of those AIG bonuses that amounted to $165 million.
General Electric says its GE Capital finance unit won’t need more outside funding and at worst will break even. How about a new ad slogan? GE — we bring most good things to life except our own company.
Americans filing new claims for unemployment benefits fell to 646,000. Call it a dead-cat bounce. We all better learn to speak Chinese.
A private sector group’s index of leading economic indicators dropped less than expected in February, but its broad decline of the past 19 months persisted and is unlikely to end until next year. This from the We Don’t Know What The Hell Is Going To Happen Either Department.
Interest rates on US 30-year fixed-rate mortgages fell 0.05 percentage point in the latest week. Good news for anyone who can still afford a mortgage.
FedEx profits dropped 75% in the third quarter but less shipments means less global warming, so the environmentalists should love it.
Jaguar and Buick surged to the top of JD Power and Associates’ closely watched vehicle dependability study this year. Go figure the US economy is a wreck but suddenly some of our cars are not wrecks. The times, they are a changin’.
Books on paper may be going the way of the dodo bird, but the world’s largest bookseller, Barnes & Noble, managed to beat analysts’ estimates during the fourth quarter. I just read this online so I’ll hold off buying any Barnes & Noble stock.
Wal-Mart is awarding roughly $2 billion to its US hourly employees with bonuses and other perks making Wal-Mart more successful than the US right now which is all the more reason to make Wal-Mart a separate country, Wal-Martistan. No one make more than $7 an hour and you don’t get health insurance but hey Save Money, Live Better. And by that we man the executives in charge of the monolith.
Massachusetts employers slashed another 11,000 jobs in February as the state unemployment rate closed in on 8 percent. Now I know how Beantown got its name. That’s all you can afford to eat in the Bay State.
Microsoft has released a new version of Internet Explorer that Firefox and Chrome will beat anyway.
Sony says users of its two e-book readers can now access more than 500,000 free public domain classic books from Google through the Sony eBook Store. Curling up with a screen just isn’t the same as curling up with a good book. Then again curling up with a book isn’t as good as curling up with someone who curls you up which is a lot of curling. Not the kind that involves a broom and a stone.
During a planned spacewalk today, two astronauts will help attach a massive girder to the International Space Station to bring the $100-billion-dollar orbital lab up to full power. Given the economy, they can’t do this with one astronaut?
The latest beta version of the new web browser Chrome is up to 35 percent quicker than the previous version
Two major studies questioning the effectivness of the prostate-specific antigen (PSA) test have men everywhere wondering if their butts were violated for no good reason.
A record 4.3 million new babies were born in 2007 just in time for their parents to lose their jobs, homes, and wind up on the street.
Attorney General Eric H. Holder says the Obama administration will end raids on medical marijuana dispensers but step up raids on people’s paychecks through higher tax rates. So get high and stupid so you won’t notice government picking your pocket.
A FDA panel says a proposed heart drug should be approved to treat a common heart rhythm disorder but yet still no new drugs for the dance rhythm impaired.
Shanghai’s food and drug safety agency says it is testing Johnson & Johnson baby products following allegations they contain potential carcinogens. Baby’s hair isn’t growing. I wonder why?
A new study published this week finds cancer patients who rely on religion to cope with their terminal illnesses are more likely to use intensive life-prolonging care. You bet they do! With God in your corner, you want to stick around!
A study finds kids with a peanut allergy who received controlled exposure to peanut protein were desensitized to the allergen and enjoyed talking with a giant peanut wearing a top hat and monacle.
Radio host Don Imus wonders whether stress contributed to his prostate cancer diagnosis but then again I wonder how much stress Imus created for the Rutger’s women’s basketball team?
A federal judge is hearing arguments whether convicted ex-Qwest CEO Joseph Nacchio should remain free while his health is being evaluated. Doctors still make prison calls, especially if the federal government is paying the bills!