From the beginning of stand up comedy, comedians have poked fun at the inaccuracy of weather reports but many of them have missed the most obvious. Weather reports are almost always unncessary and a cheap way to fill commerical TV airtime.

Most of the TV meteorologists are merely repeating what National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has already predicted.

The simple acknowlegement of this truth will surely piss off TV meteorologists but I’m merely pointing out the obvious.

If you are blessed enough to have shelter, clothes, food, electricity, and health care then the weather is the least of your concerns.

If I were homeless, living in a cardboard box under a highway overpass, I would be keenly tuned to every weather forecast nightly.

And that’s not a jab at the homeless, merely an acknowledgement of how the weather can affect those who nearly never get the chance to view, read, or hear a weather forecast.

For now, I look out the window, step outside the front door, and add a layer if need be.

Bravo TV’s The Real Housewives of Orange County is a glaring display of American superficiality.

It continues to amaze me how television producers are able to find the most superficial, vacuus, and vapid people on the planet and surprise, suprise, they are concentrated here in the United States.

None of these women who seem to be wearing Kabuki masks of makeup are aging well.

Some will read that comment as superficial and mysogonistic but it merely points out the more narcissitic you are, the worse you look as you age.

Humans are social beings designed to help each other.

Those who choose to focus solely on themselves age terribly.

Selfishness takes its physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual toll.

Watch one episode of this series and you’ll need a soul transplant.

Once again the American consumer is being taken for a ride. We’re told the imminent collapse of the Big Three automakers would be Armageddon for the American economy and the American workers but there is always a silver lining in every cloud. The failure of the Big Three automakers would be a boon to American consumers. Despite job losses which would result in workers being forced to find jobs at other car making plants, automakers from China and/or India could flood the market with low-cost cars. Imagine what an economic boon to the American economy and the American consumer if we could purchase new vehicles under $10,000!

Here’s what www.autoblog.com reported recently…

“Toyota doesn’t want one of the Detroit 3 to fail. Despite the fact that the Japanese automaker is a direct competitor and seemingly stands to gain long-term sales from the collapse of at least one of its American competitors, the reality is that it would be a major headache for the entire industry. The largest issue may be that a Detroit collapse, especially of General Motors, would take a number of key suppliers down with it — suppliers that Toyota relies upon just as much as any other automaker.

Toyota, Honda and Nissan all call the U.S. market their largest, so these import car companies require the American economy to remain strong in order to keep sales figures and profits relatively healthy. The loss of hundreds of thousands — if not millions — of jobs would be a major blow to the already struggling U.S. economy and could also cause additional import backlash.

The last potential problem facing the Japanese automakers is a possible takeover of an American automaker by another competitor, likely from China or India, that could flood the market with low-cost cars. The last successful influx of competition came from Korea in the form of Hyundai and Kia, and Toyota isn’t looking forward to losing market share to another set of automakers any sooner than necessary.”

Bottom line, the market always wins.

Consumers want quality products at rock bottom prices.

Why?

Not only is it good for our wallets and pocketbooks but it is what we’ve been told we should want by every advertiser, marketer, salesman, and wheeler dealer from the beginning of time.

If you agree and someone accuses you of reveling in the misery of the American autoworker, tell them you’re “only doing what you’ve been told.”

Yeah, I’m kidding but as I said the market always wins.

Let’s pray we can get the best of both worlds.

American autoworkers find high paying jobs that reward their skills at other car companies while the management of the Big Three go away to reassess how for the past 50 years they’ve mismanaged their companies into a shell of their former selves.

And the American consumer gets great reliable vehicles that last 500,000 miles for less than $10,000.

Will it happen?

Maybe.

Meanwhile, go out and buy yourself a wheelbarrel so you can load your cash into it to make a trip to the supermarket to buy a loaf of bread and a bottle of milk with nearly worthless American currency courtesy of the Federal Reserve and Uncle Sam who just keep printing money and calling it “growth” or “added liquidity” or “priming the pump.”

Surgeons have performed the first face transplant in the United States but reporters must be forgetting the most famous face transplant of all time Michael Jackson.

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Italian researchers report that the risk of getting colorectal cancer is higher in smokers, as is the risk of dying from that disease.

Maybe these people aren’t smoking the right way!

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Chowing down on lentil soup and pasta seems to be the way to go if you have type 2 diabetes or if you simply have no taste buds.

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New research shows people who snore burn more calories when they’re resting during the day than people who sleep quietly through the night.

That’s because snorers are running from their significant others who want to kill them for keeping them up all night listening to the snoring.

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The FDA has announced it will require makers of epilepsy drugs to add a warning about increased risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors to the products’ prescribing information or labeling.

You have to admire a government agency that is more worried about the packaging than the product.

How about simply urging the drug makers to find an alternative remedy without the side effects?

You know government involvement in anything increases the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors too but there’s never any warnings posted in government buildings about that!

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Death rates for heart disease and stroke fell about 30% between 1999 and 2006.

Amazing, so many of us have terrible diets and non-existent exercise regimens, thank God for genetics, pacemakers, and red wine.

No stats on how many didn’t die from heart disease and stroke but whose livers failed.

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Measurements of the lack of growth of galaxy clusters over the last five billion years put astronomers one step closer, they say, toward narrowing the possible explanations of dark energy, the mysterious force that is speeding up the universe but puts them two steps back from explaining why so many of them believe in a mysterious force of dark energy but refuse to believe in God a known source of light energy that speeds up peace in the universe.

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Scientists says the Earth’s protective magnetosphere has two large holes that are letting in disruptive solar winds.

Once again, Mother Nature forgot to tell her kids, the other forces of the universe, to close the doors tightly.

What an absentee parent!

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By the year 2020, a majority of tech savvy citizens will be attached to their touch-screen and voice recognition-based smart phones, blurring the lines between personal and work time, as well as physical and virtual reality.

Great, soon people will be able to call each other from inside a virtual woman on a porn website.

That’s progress.

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Dell hopes to save $8.1 million over the next four years by making changes to the materials used in packing and shipping its PCs.

Soon when you get a new computer, it’ll be shipped in a brown paper bag.

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Would you rather give up sex or the Internet for two weeks?

For 46 percent of women and 30 percent of men, the answer is sex, according to a study conducted by Harris Interactive and sponsored by Intel.

Yeah, but they didn’t ask how many would give up Internet sex?

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Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said US automakers will receive a federal aid package as soon as the government can draft a suitable plan that ensures the companies’ long-term survival.

Coming soon to an auto dealer near you, the Bailout BS.

Built by bureacrats, for bureacrats, to transport bureacrats.

MPG?

One-and-a-half, before the whole thing falls apart.

New technology?

On board vacuum capable of removing all cash and other valuables from wallets and pocketbooks.

Resale value?

O

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The US president has “no hard feelings” about the Iraqi journalist who flung shoes at him, the White House says. Muntadar al-Zaidi threw his shoes at George W Bush during a Baghdad press conference, calling him a dog.

Borrowing a line from Get Smart, you missed him by…that…much.

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2008 was one of the top ten warmest years….for weather.

It was one of the top ten coldest years for job growth, wealth creation, and general feeling of well-being among the American public.

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Yale University’s endowment has lost 25 percent, or $5.5 billion, in four months.

Meanwhile, an Ivy League education still costs a fortune but with the economy sucking a tailpipe there’s no where to use it.

I recently turned 37 but despite my age and place in Generation X, I straddle two different worlds…one in which technology is readily embraced and the other in which technology is viewed with cynicism, doubt, fear, and suspicion.

I own a cell phone but rarely turn it on because it’s a pay-as-you-go phone that I really only keep for emergencies. Friends bust my balls about reaching my voice mail all the time but that’s why voice mail was invented so you can keep the phone off.

I email but don’t text partially because I have an aversion to reducing all human thought into a few short letters and numbers and partially because as a writer I prefer a full size keyboard rather than fine blocks of letters more usable with a doll’s hand.

I listen to music online but don’t download it, burn it, or upload it to an Ipod. I still own CDs but have not bought one in years. Instead I have rediscovered a love of classical music and new age readily available on radio for free.

I use a computer but would rather read a newspaper or a book than read text online.

I watch TV but not on a computer because the couch is more comfortable than a chair when allowing my brain to turn to mush.

And so when it comes to technology I straddle two generations, the boomers and the millenials but don’t quite fit the stereotypical Generation X definition either.

Do you straddle?