A wildfire raging through a California celebrity enclave hit too close to home for many stars who are finally having second thoughts about freebasing.

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Rapper Kanye West has been arrested for allegedly assaulting a photographer as he was leaving a nightclub in Newcastle, England but simple assault makes him a wimp of a rapper.

A real rapper would have shot the photographer while snorting coke, drinking Crystal, and clockin’ some hoes.

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Colombian rocker Juanes has won five Latin Grammys almost guaranteeing him a career without major media coverage.

President Bush defended US-style free enterprise as the cure for the world’s financial chaos because everyone knows American government purchases of private company stock is as free as free enterprise gets.

Not!

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Millions of Southern Californians recently crouched under tables and desks as they practiced how to deal with earthquakes and the paparazzi.

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Wal-Mart is benefiting greatly from the economic slowdown as shoppers try to save money but still buy cheap shoddy products made in China in bulk.

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Despite the slowing economy, video games were selling like hotcakes in October because killing people in cyberspace feels so good when you’re out of work.

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Microsoft has unveiled a slew of new online services to transform Windows Live into a social network where millions can share the blue screen of death.

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A team of plumbers are headed to the International Space Station.

And you thought earth-bound plumbers were expensive?

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On average, the audience perusing unauthorized online copies of their articles is nearly 1.5 times larger than the readership on official websites but pales in comparison to the audience perusing unauthorized porn.

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Apple is mulling the idea of creating its own search engine. Soon instead of Googling, you’ll be MAC-ing.

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An unidentified white powdery substance was delivered to a Mormon Temple in California.

Are drug dealers finding God or just getting more creative?

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A woman who underwent surgery and hormone treatment so she could live as a man is pregnant with a second child.

It takes balls to be a parent even when you don’t have them, anymore.

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Michael Jackson has transferred ownership of his Neverland Ranch to the Sycamore Valley Ranch Company.

Let’s hope for the kids, the ranch is Nevermore.

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An up-and-coming fashion designer who has worked with A-list celebrities is now convicted of sexually assaulting aspiring models.

The so-called “casting couch” now leads to time in a cage.

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The percentage of Americans who smoke cigarettes has fallen below 20% for the first time since at least the mid-1960s while the percentage of Americans who believe government should stamp out individual freedom to smoke has risen above 95%.

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Britain is facing a sperm donor shortage forcing the government to advertise for more wankers.

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A new study claims higher taxes on alcohol could help save lives or just force more drinkers to turn to homemade moonshine.

A woman who authorities said once tried to become a contestant on American Idol was found dead outside the Sherman Oaks home of “Idol” judge Paula Abdul in a case police are investigating as a possible suicide.

Does anyone know the whereabouts of Simon?

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Lindsay Lohan recently referred to president-elect Barack Obama as colored while promoting her latest talking picture.

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Actor Jesse Metcalfe of Desperate Housewives fame was knocked unconscious when he fell from a second-story balcony in Monaco where he was helping host the World Music Awards.

I can’t wait to hear about the after party!

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Police are investigating battery allegations against Emmy-winning actor Brad Garrett in an incident involving a photographer in West Hollywood.

Everybody loves Raymond but Robert not so much.

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The Treasury Dept is now steering away from the original plan of buying questionable mortgage-related securities to throwing money out the window in hopes it will help someone somewhere sometime.

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The House will convene next week to vote on a plan to provide emergency cash to the nation’s battered automobile industry because the idiots failed to realize no one really needs a 5,000-pound SUV to shop at the mall.

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Crude oil fell to a 21-month low on speculation that the International Energy Agency will cut its global demand estimate and the US will report that stockpiles gained. Who needs gas when you don’t have a job?

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US Representative Henry Waxman plans to question the world’s richest hedge-fund managers about their role in the global markets selloff, which is akin to quizzing the foxes about their role in chicken slaughters.

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JP Morgan Chase says the US recession “could be worse” than the credit-market crisis that brought lending to a standstill.

Gee, you think?

What good is all that Treasury money if no one is willing to borrow or lend!

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IBM says it reached a deal to provide high-speed Internet service to rural areas using exiting power lines, string, and two tin cans.

Capital Region-Based Comedian Aaron David Ward Beginning Second Season On TV’s The Glenn Slingerland Situation

(Albany, NY) – Professional stand up comedian Aaron David Ward, of Ballston Spa, NY, has parlayed a successful on stage career into a successful on air career on TV’s The Glenn Slingerland Situation and is now beginning work on his second season with the long running and popular show.

Now beginning its sixth season on MY4 WNYA, the award winning Glenn Slingerland Situation has established itself throughout New York’s Greater Capital Region & Western New England, as the Sunday Night late night show to close out the weekend with. Think of The Situation as your pals who drop by with a Sunday Night broadcast each week, featuring new music, and mysterious on screen fun. Let our magnificent Situation Stars keep you company each week as you listen - these aren’t meant to be music videos, instead it’s, well, The Situation!

Aaron joined the broadcast last fall adding comedic commentary about culture, politics, society, and chiropractic colleges for squirrels. Some have called Aaron’s comedic commentaries “Andy Rooney on acid” but while Aaron is drug free, his comedy causes audiences to trip with both laughter and thought. The comedian adds yet another layer of captivating quirkiness to The Situation.

Breastfeeding Coordinator: must have excellent people, organizational, listening, presentation, and counseling skills to provide nutrition education and assessment. Breastfeeding knowledge a must.

At least we know it’s a growing field.

From the common sense department…New research suggests teens who spend the most time watching sexually charged TV are twice as likely to become pregnant or impregnate someone else. Meanwhile old research reveals teens who are actually sexually active are most definitely likely to become pregnant or impregnate someone else.

Also from the common sense department, new research suggests…violent video games really may make kids more violent. Or more willing to be stabbed, shot, and mutilated, depending on their self-esteem.

MySpace and online advertising technology company Auditude are working with Viacom Inc’s MTV Networks to make money from video clips that its users put online. When are these companies going to learn you cannot put Pandora back in her box? Once its free…its free!

High School Musical 3: Senior Year led the North American box office for a second weekend proving all semblance of taste has been drained from the United States.

The new James Bond film Quantum of Solace enjoyed a record opening weekend in Britain earning $25 million at the box office while losing $50 million at Chinese movie pirate websites.

New research shows even consuming low amounts of caffeine during pregnancy may increase the risk of having a low birth weight baby but will make your more awake when you have to feed your little one more protein to beef him or her up.

A new study shows drugs are increasingly being used to treat children and teens with obesity-related health problems, such as diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, and depression while adults with diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, and depression are increasingly turning to children for their drugs.

A new study finds women who gain more than 40 pounds during pregnancy are about twice as likely to give birth to a heavy baby as those who gain less but those with larger babies are fat and happy while those with smaller babies are skinny but miserable.

The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports the human wart virus HPV caused 25,000 cases of cancer in the United States between 1998 and 2003, including not only cervical cancer but also anal and mouth cancers, and prematurely ending one-night stands across the country.