Washington is panicking over automatic spending cuts…like a crack whore who didn’t give her pimp enough of her earnings.
Pope Benedict will officially resign this week…and receive a gold watch…with a cross for hands.
A central provision of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 may be in peril…how quaint…as if voting mattered.
And injured NASCAR fans calls the most recent crash a “scene from a horror movie”…the rest of us call NASCAR in general a “scene from a horror movie.”
J.C. Penny has reported another huge loss…it needs to stop living up to its name literally.
The U.S. is training Syrian Rebels…folks, meet the new al-Qaeda.
Apple shares have slipped 37%…saw it on my iPhone.
Scott Weiland has lost his job with the Stone Temple Pilots…the who?
Andy Dick has landed a spot on Dancing With The Stars…bets are now being placed as to how quickly he’ll drop his pants on the show.
Bobby Brown has been sentenced to 55 days in jail for DUI#3…maybe drinking shouldn’t be Bobby’s prerogative.
The Rolling Stones will hold an exhibition in the Rock Hall of Fame and Museum…by simply showing up there.
The Oscar audience rose to 40.3 million…at least we now know who many people lead empty lives.
Rosa Parks was honored with a statute…let’s hope it doesn’t sit in the rear of any building.
The Senate has confirmed Jacob Lew as the nation’s 76th Treasury Secretary…and he’s not a Goldman Sachs alum…must not be their turn this year.
A fraternity has raised $16K for transgender member’s surgery…and promised to allow his and her keg stands.
Sugar is the major problem in the American diet…’cause she keeps eating everything.
A study finds the Mediterranean diet is better than a low-fat diet…the Mediterranean diet is where you quit your job and drink wine all day.
An iron-rich diet might ease PMS…so ladies break out those irons and get those shirts unwrinkled.
Men with eating disorders have a tougher time getting help…up from the floor of the bathroom.
An American millionaire plans to send a married couple on a flyby trip past Mars…that’s a real test of marriage…couped up in a space capsule for weeks on end.
Fragments of an ancient continent have been found buried under the Indian Ocean…
Firefighters may get help from infra-red holography…to pass the time looking through women’s clothing while sitting around the fire house.
A decline in leatherback turtles has been reported…they’re now more closeted.
US crude oil supplies grew by 1.1 million barrels…which apparently are no where near the market…enjoy your $4 per gallon gas.